Gray Divorce by Jocelyn Elise Crowley

Author:Jocelyn Elise Crowley
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780520295315
Publisher: University of California Press

[On that occasion] I got treated about the same way at the church [by its members]. I mean, there was not one single person [who] came up and shook my hand . . . And it’s like, how can you go to a church for 30 years and then get treated like that? . . . Not one person . . . not one person even comes up and even asks you your side of the story—not one person.

Gary viewed the loss of his friends at church as a problem that was modeled by the religious leadership there. He stated that the last time he went to services, not one pastor approached him and inquired about his well-being. He hoped that one day, people would understand what happened and what caused his divorce, but for now, he “just walked out the door and never went back.”

While Gary lost adult family members and church-based friends with whom he had been very close, Anthony found himself in the position of parting with his best friend as well as his neighborhood friends as a result of his divorce. Anthony was 62 years old and his ex-wife was 63. They had been married for 38 years. Anthony had worked in the computer field, but often struggled with retaining jobs due to the changing economic climate as well as his own struggles with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD). His wife was a teacher, and they had two children with health issues; his son had multiple sclerosis and his daughter had several severe psychiatric problems. The combination of frequent job loss with ill children put a significant strain on his marriage. In addition, he and his wife had very different communication styles; he was much more likely to be vocal about contentious issues that emerged in the family, while she was much more restrained.

Anthony had one particular close friend whom he had met in high school. While the two sometimes squabbled, Anthony reported seeing him on a regular basis. This was significant in that although they lived in separate states, they still made time to get together. However, once he learned of Anthony’s impending divorce, his best friend did something surprising.

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